A Tale of Torchwood
by DocLock1
Summary: This awesome story will get you so engrossed your eyes wont come off the screen. What is the Torchwood Team going to do when the phone starts ringing? And what will happen when U.N.I.T come a'knocking? Read on to find out... (Please note that this is unfinished, and also my first fanfic, nice feedback please!)


Chapter 1

Toshiko Sato's residence-0247 Hours

In Tosh's luxury flat all was calm and peaceful as she slept in her commodious king size bed, with her quantum solistate drive laptop running a new Rift Activity Mapper programme she had written. The cosy flat was quiet and tranquil until all of a sudden, out of the blue, her laptop let out a sudden "_Beep, Beep, Beep"_. Tosh jerked p, startled and flipped up the screen of her laptop. What was it? Could it be that her programme had gone wrong? No that was impossible, not with her programming. Could it be that the system had received a virus? Also impossible, the Torchwood Hub had 6.5 million layers of firewalls, and an anti-virus system that could scan and repair the entire nation's computers in less than half a minute, so no again. Then Tosh realised she knew full well what the sharp pinging noise the laptop was emitting was. But why wasn't Jack dealing with it? He had basically once told Gwen that he lived in the hub, so if he heard that ringing in the Hub, which undoubtedly it would be echoing around the vast cavern, then he would be on the ringing phone like a vulture on an antelope's carcass. So if he wasn't in the Hub then where was he…

Chapter 2

Rattigan's Gin Palace, London-1714, 0247 hours

"Oi matey, you owe me some money my friend" a female voice said from out of the darkness, waking Jack up from his 'sleep' with a start.

Several thoughts quickly raced through his head in quick succession:

Ahhhhh, Who am I?- No wait I know that one, Captain Jack Harkness. Now where am I?- Nope got that one too-The Cellar of Rattigans Gin Palace (A Bar where only the most intelligent of this world may drink their problems away). Why am I here?- Got into a fight with a drunken Astro-Physisist and got shot in the chest.

And finally how do I deal with this bullet shaped hole in my che-… Nope that can definitely wait, that girl is far more important!

Jack thought this as he stared up into the hazel eyes of the pretty brown haired woman standing in front of him. "Sorry, did you say something sweetheart?" Jack queried.

"I said you owe me some money" she spat back.

"Money? Oh! Sorry I don't really remember that, but please don't take it personally, I'm sure I had a great time!"

"No you stupid fool" replied the woman as she pulled a Sub-duo Malicous Amplified Light Radiation Stimulator, or as Jack liked to call it: A Lazer Gun.

It was then that Jack also realised the lady in question was not in the correct attire for the 18th centaury; Long Dresses, Wigs ,and an astounding amount or Talcum Powder, all topped with a pair of opera glasses; But instead clad in Leather with a Sub-Etha multiple Time Frame earpiece (Not to different to the one jack should be wearing to hear his team in the 21st centaury desperately trying to contact him).

"Well then darling" he stuttered back at her, still recovering from his drunken state of mind, "Would you care to tell me who you are before I send you off with fistfuls of cash?"

"I am Field Agent Rachel Yates of the Unified Intelligence Task Force and 6 moths ago you, Sir, broke into the Black Archive and stole the last functioning long range Time Telegram and, according to our scans, destroyed it."

"Yeah well I disagreed with it."

"Disagreed?"

"Yes. I tried to contact the doctor but it came back saying he was dead-Frankly impossible."

"Impossible. Goodness do you not scon for minor particle regeneration reactions at Torchwood? No? Well it's a way of telling how many times a Time Lords regenerated- And he's done it 12 times-That's the limit."

"No!... LIAR!"

"Anyway I am not here for small talk, Kate need the funds to create a new Telegram".

"Well, sorry to disappoint you but… I've got no change on me!" With that Jack ran off, up out of the cellar and into the bright candlelight of Rattigans Gin Palace. Coming from behind him came a yell of "Get that Man, he stole my drink" and then another;

"Aye I recognise him. He's the scum that pickpocketed me last week!"

"Hey you mate." Then there came a sharp punch to Jacks head. "That's for sleeping with my wife!"

"Oy I recognise you. You're the vile mad man that escaped from prison 5 times in the past fortnight!"

And so on…

Jack made a run for it, bottles and fists flying at him from all directions.

But where to go…

Suddenly a stark bright light shun in the room as a spinning portal of whiteness shone in front of Jack.

"Ah that's the ticket. Now, as an old friend used to say; 'ALONSY'!"

Chapter 3

The Rattigan Arms Pub, Cardiff

0317 Hours

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH" came the voice from inside the Temporal Rift Vortex Manipulator.

"Its working" said a voce, namely Tosh's, from behind a large flashing control panel. "Locking on body matter… Correct DNA found and locked onto… Enabling time bubble… Firing through the Vortex in T minus 3, 2, 1- Firing!"

Suddenly from inside the spinning white plasma circle of the T.R.V.M came Jack, who flew out and hit the floor. The Torchwood Team huddled round and looked at him in Dismay.

Owen Harper stepped forward, grabbed Jack by the armpits and flung him onto a stretcher. Jack groaned.

"Erm, guys, we've got a problem" yelled Tosh, frantically taapping at her control panel. "We've just had another Time Bubble created in the same Temporal Rift Chasm-Someone else is coming through".

Gwen replied "No- That's imposible! You said you set it to only retrieve matter from the 21st centaury, didn't you?"

"Yes- Exactly…" More tapping. "Jack, you _were_ the only person from the 21st Centaury in there… Weren't you?"

Jack mumbled "Yeah of course hun- The only modern human there! No wait, maybe there was someone else… oh well, it will come to me eventually!"

"_Now _Jack"

"Erm.. Yeah, there was some U.N.I.T bird there as well! Yeah that's right!"

"U.N.I.T!" Yanto exclaimed! "Guys we need to get out of here, NOW!"

"Too late" came the voice from behind them…


End file.
